Throughout pregnancy it feels like everyone is always telling you how important it is that you have people to support you. There's the old adage that it takes a village to raise a child after all. But sometimes parenthood can feel really lonely, and finding a support network can seem incredibly daunting. You might be really lucky and have a close group of friends in a similar place in their life but for others simply becoming a parent can change the kind of support network around you. You may be the first amongst your friends to have children and this can change the dynamics of your relationships, you might no longer be able to do the same things with them and they might not be empathic about that. It may be that you need to make new friends as well as trying to maintain old relationships.
However, whilst making new friends as an adult can feel a bit daunting, there are lots of ways to meet new people.
Some people find they are able to meet new people through parenting groups and classes, from antenatal through to toddler groups. These can be a great way to meet people who are at a similar stage in their lives as you and who have children of a similar age. When we found out we were pregnant with our first child we signed up to these groups as much for the social aspect as the important information we would receive about the imminent birth. They were particularly helpful for my husband to meet others soon-to-be-dads, as working patterns often mean dads miss out on some of the post birth toddler groups.
There is also a whole world online for finding new friends and more and more parents are turning to the internet for help. It's one of the many reasons Embers the Dragon was designed as a fully online resource. I found myself gravitating online almost as soon as I was pregnant. Having recently moved to Yorkshire, and not really knowing anyone in the area, being all alone with a child was already a top anxiety by my first scan. So I quickly found myself joining online parenting advice groups which in turn organised local meet ups. It felt reassuring to hear from other mums-to-be that were having the same worries and I felt a bit more confident by the time a group meet up had been arranged. The online route won’t be for everyone certainly and there are some things you should bear in mind when finding your tribe online:
1: Well meaning advice is not the same as clinical advice
A lot of the online groups have discussion forums where parents discuss everything from packing a hospital bag to managing fussy eating. Here parents can share their own tips and tricks which can be helpful in giving you ideas and reminding you that you're not alone. However this does not constitute clinical advice and you should take everything you read with a pinch of salt. The well monitored groups will also remind you of this in each discussion group. If you have concerns about your child's development, always reach out to a professional.
2: Look for trusted sources and be careful what information you share online
The online world can be scarily unregulated so be sure you're looking for trusted local online groups or well known national brands. Make sure you read the code of conduct for the group or app and understand what information you can and can’t expect to be asked for. Don’t share intimate pictures of your children online or give away personal details like your address.
3: Only attend legitimate meetups
Some online groups arrange face to face meet ups whilst there are apps out there specifically designed to make parenting friends. If attending a group meet up be sure to check where it has been arranged and who has arranged it? Was it group admin or a random user? Are you being asked for money up front and how much do you trust the person asking for it? Most legitimate groups will arrange meet ups in local public places and will not ask for any payments ahead of time (more a buy your coffee on the day kind of thing). If you are using an app designed to make a specific parenting friend, do not share details of your address ahead of a face to face meet up and always arrange to meet in person for the first time in a busy place; a local child friendly cafe is always a good shout.
Whilst reaching out and making new friends can feel like a challenge, the rewards can be endless. Someone to share the ups and downs of parenthood with, who can relate to what you're experiencing is important for your own wellbeing so have a go with what feels right for you and just take it one day at a time.
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