It can sometimes feel like there are many challenging times in our child’s lives and that it’s those moments that steal all our energy. Temper Tantrums in supermarkets can end up being the thing you remember about the day, not all the other lovely stuff that happened or the little moments of connection. Before long, that sense that we are fighting to parent, rather then enjoying the process can build up and sometimes, yes, we can end up resenting our children a little bit, even just for a moment.
However at Embers we focus on the idea of positive interactions with parents being incredibly powerful in building relationships and emotional regulation skills and its these times of positive interaction that can help reduce the more challenging behaviours.
It might feel like our energy is too low at the moment for those positive moments, or that time is too short, but building them into a habit can help make us more consistent and the more consistent we are the more effective it can be for children.
So here are our top tips for building some positive parenting habits:
Schedule a time for special play Many of us are use to balancing diaries, either for work or our social lives! Try looking at your diary and making sure you have 15 minutes everyday blocked to spend doing 1:1 play with your child. We sometimes call this special time and that small 15 minutes can make a massive difference to your child's mental health, your relationship and your own wellbeing.
Create choice Children get so little choice in their lives, they go where we tell them and when. Building little moments of choice into your daily routine helps children to develop confidence and autonomy. As a golden rule try and limit choice as an option between two - ‘This T-shirt or that one?’, ‘This toy or that one?’, ‘Shall we skip to school or walk?’
Stick to time boundaries I’m not actually talking about your children! Research shows that nearly half of Brits work more than their contracted hours. Work pressure can often make it feel impossible to step away from the computer and disconnect from work, however setting and maintaining a hard boundary for when work will stop is incredibly important for your mental health and feeling like you have time for family. Set your limit, block your calendars and spend the last 5 minutes of everyday making a note of any last minute thoughts, they will be there to pick up tomorrow.
Praise Some parents worry that they praise too much, that they will spoil their children but there is no such thing as too much praise. The more positive attention we give a behaviour or action the more we are likely to see it. Be specific and genuine with praise, it only takes a moment and can make a massive difference.
End the day on a high We are all guilty of only remembering the hardest parts of a day but at the end of each day try to reflect on one positive parenting moment. You can write it down or just hold it close for yourself but it can help you to remember you’re doing great.
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